Projection

PROJECTION!

I was about entering my compound yesterday evening when I heard a feminine voice shouting my name from afar.

No one bears Eunice in my area(probably they don’t call them sha), so it’s definitely my own Eunice.

I looked back and saw a young woman, I’ve seen her before but I couldn’t deduce where.

We got talking. After a long description, I factually deduced where I met her. She was the woman that sells junks very close to a tutorial I attended then.

Back then, she was lean due to insufficiencies, but the woman’s physique I saw yesterday astounded me. Extremely different!

She wasn’t the only one selling junks for us then, they were like four, but we all patronise her.
You know why? Because she projected herself.

She was so friendly that her smile would definitely move you to buy from her. When other sellers were tying wrapper, this woman would always suit up. The way she wrapped the chops were different. Continue reading

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MOTHER OF MANY NATIONS

Dear sister,
If the only thing you think life is all about is marry, reproduce, then die.

My sister, you’d better correct that mentality of yours.

Life is not all about bringing forth offspring.

If life is not more than that, then it’s not worth living for then.

The only verse in the bible you can recite offhand is Gen 1:28 (…Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it..)

Hain!
Shey you don’t that same bible said you should do things with moderation.

Don’t be a liability!
Don’t bore children you won’t cater for. Continue reading

Gossipy

GOSIPPY!

Dear gossipy,
You are better off without going to church.

I see no reason why a being will decide not to utilise the brain wisely.

Pray, you won’t pray.

Sing, you won’t sing.

You will be looking like moron inside the church, as if you’re the one that killed Jesus.

At times, I start to imagining if you have mouth sore…
But you don’t!

Continue reading

WAR AGAINST HYPROCRISY

Let it stop!
It’s apparent everyone wants to become a celebrity,everyone wants to be in vogue,everyone wants to please all and sundry.
I’m not disputing the fact,but be real.
Some folks church wears sweeps the floor,just wait for the next day,hardly will it touch their knees.
Everyone wants to speak and write bombastic English,no one likes or appreciate simple and correct english.
Only if they understand what they’ve written,it would have been preferable.
After reading their piece,my poor head will start pounding.
The way some folks murder and crucify english often send English into exile.
Hain! Leave brother English alone.
Is it by force to write bombastic English?
Who english epp? Continue reading

Offering Time

If your pastor loves quoting “1 Timothy 6:10”.
Just give your pastor N1,000,the only thing you will hear him say is “Bless you more”.
Write him a cheque of N1M,you will hear him say “I see you wallowing in greatness. May the Lord make you an useful vessel in HIS sanctuary”.
If he hasn’t add Brother/sister to your name before,don’t even doubt it,you are one already.
Before you know it,he is speaking tongue.
Hehehehe

Don’t be Brainwashed!

I am about to dive into a trending phenomenon.
Some folks are accustomed to saying “Pastor said I shouldn’t do this,Daddy G.O said I shouldn’t do that”
It nauseates my sense organ “nose”.
Some pastors don’t even understand the scripture itself,their teachings are based on sentiments.
One of the rigmarole Nigerians are facing is sentimentality.
We deceive ourselves a lot,we play pranks on our emotions a lot.
If you can’t prove your belief,don’t generalise it for all and sundry.
A popular man of God said “A Christian must fast,at least thrice in a week”
A sister in the congregation asked the bible verse.
He struggled with the answer. Continue reading

Dear Phone, Who owns Who?

Dear phone,
Over-sabi they do you this days.
Even when I wrote “sabi”,you changed it to “sabbath”.
Whenever I write “abi”,you will change it to “ability”.
*In Jeniffer’s voice* Is it you that he owns me abi I is owns you. What is do you sef? 😦
Tch!!!

What’s your Passion?

Schools resumed on Monday, but my neighbour’s children didn’t go since then (reasons I don’t know).
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Since I was indoor throughout yesterday,they came to have a play with me and they came along with a neighbour’s daughter.
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You know how kids could be at times,they disturbed the atmosphere with their noise.
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Since there was no light,I had to let them into the bedroom and we played together(even though I go tired instantly).
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I wanted something that could keep them busy,so I gave them sheets to write on.
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Nothing specific,just to keep them busy.
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The neighbour’s daughter they came along with,a year and few months old,gripped the pencil with passion.
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Even when others had stopped writing,she was still writing. Continue reading

LIFE!

There is this bae on my friend list in 2012.
She was among the first set of friends I had then.
We both had our friends as mutual friends.
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In order to promote a cordial relationship,we created a group.
We uploaded pictures,updated status,contested,advised,the list is endless.
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As a village girl,I wanted to make friends with everybody in the group.
I added everybody in the group,I sent messages to everyone,I commented on every status,liked every status just to gain a fertile ground.
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Everything about this girl engrossed me. I admired her and I wanted us to be friends.
She was the duchess in the group then.
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She then wrote to me,”What is wrong with you? You’re taking shots with your chinco phone and you are disturbing us” Continue reading

NIGERIANS DON’T READ

When I saw the above capitalised sentence,I did understood and I could relate.
It is true that Nigerians don’t read but we read headlines.
When I wrote “we don’t read”,I mean we don’t read in details.
Our inability to read beyond headlines has caused a total chaos on different social media platform.
It caused a pandemonium two months ago on Pastor’s Adeboye’s speech/sermon.
Some folks just read clues online,some only saw comments and went to create a scene on their wall.
A lot of them heard the gist and jumped on this platform with pseudo-opinions.
This same inability has made a lot of readers misquote what we,writers,write at times.
Some people don’t read in details and they claim to be an expert in that thing.
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Sorry I diverted into that,just felt like sighting an example. Continue reading